Can a goodbye ever be good? If good riddance is taken out of the equation what essentially remains is a euphemism for bye - goodbye. Anybody who has ever bid adieu to people they care for, people they relate to, know the kind of pain involved. What prompted me to write about all this are the 3 goodbyes I had to undergo in the last three months. First to a person I love, second to a person I admire and third to a person I just simply adore. For the second goodbye, the impact was a lot less coz the reconciliation period is way too small, but the other two had a lasting effect on me.
I vividly remember the days that led to my first goodbye. The turmoil one experiences within oneself is needed to be disguised by a brave smile just to ensure that the other does not break down. You are madly in pursuit of the last glance of that person. You arrange for fitting farewell but end up messing up things. You then desperately look for a high to culminate into the eventuality of saying bye. It’s almost like when it’s feeling good u say bye-thus goodbye. Why the hell the time does not stop. The next three months looked liked three ages.
The third one was even more disastrous. Ur farewell preparations are cut down due to the lack of time (coz this time it is you who’s leaving). You are therefore unable to pursue the last minute ritual as you would have wanted to. And when you are asked, “Anshul…. Tu ja raha hai?” you are rendered speechless by this simple question. You don’t have the courage to say “yes” nor have the power to defy the moment by saying “no”. Then you are made aware of the reality by wet eyes saying, “Tu ja ab……….” It pains, it pains a lot.
Introspective by nature as I am, I tried to search for those lasting effects. While the sufferings of goodbyes are well known, I looked for something positive in them. Yes, the good in goodbye. And believe me I have found them. In the first case the vacuum created by the goodbye was enough for me to realize the difficulty in living without that person. It helped bolster the relationship, stabilized the feelings and cleared many nagging doubts. It was then I understood the true meaning of the song-
“Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi,
Tere bina bhi lekin zindagi zindagi nahi”
But i am happy she'll be back in a couple of days, really happy.
The positive thing about the third goodbye was that I came to know how close my association was, with that person, (association) which was apparently new with bounds essentially unknown. I was always sure that a very strong bond binds us, maybe I was preoccupied by my own thoughts that I almost missed what was there at the other end (though was always curious about it). Those wet eyes confirmed that we had become BEST of friends, but this elation was accompanied by a solemn dejection at the fact that our next meeting is indefinitely scheduled.
So here is a piece of advice: Realize things soon, otherwise you will have to learn it the harder way. Know the importance of each person in ur life instead of waiting for a goodbye to make you aware of it.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Journey from a misogynist to a feminist
Those who know me would be startled by the first part of the title but would immediately acknowledge the latter.
Everyone knows that nothing on this earth is as good as a mother, an epitome of sacrifice, love and care. But it is this obviousness, which somehow holds us back to admire these virtues percolating down to relations all and sundry, a woman has. The subtlety, sensuality, sensitivity and sensibility possessed by women are worth adulation to the minutest of details. They are masters of walking on the thin line between dependence and independence, perfectionist in matters (extremely low) of head but it’s their inclusive nature that lands them in trouble in matters of heart.
The notions I am sharing with you all have evolved with time, because as a child I would have contradicted with what all I have said till now. I will attribute the hater tag, I once possessed, to delusions one tends to hold during childhood. What irked me those days was the word "equality" that was so diplomatically used to favour girls. Similar misdeeds attracted harsher punishments for boys than girls'. For bizarre reasons, girls were renowned and boys deemed notorious equivocally for pursuing equivalent acts. All rules and regulations and regulators as well seemed to be heavily loaded to favour girls. And to add to all that I had always shared a great academic rivalry with girls only. Though I may have fallen for a lot of girls and had a crush on awful lot more, the egotist in me never hailed or appreciated anything more than their physical beauty. What annoyed me more was their inane talks and contempt for geekish fellow like me.
But yes one fine day the tide turned and this paradigm shift tranformed me to a ladies man. I had evolved from the faint secluded world of my childhood, poised to become more informed and exposed to the surroundings and happenings around me. As my age and scope grew I became a connoisseur of art, literature, culture and tradition. I reveled in artistic creations, which hailed and celebrated feminism but was equally aghast by the maltreatment and subjugation of women in history. I was livid knowing that inferiority of women was sanctioned by the well versed Aristotle, the indomitable middle ages church, the purist Hindu traditions, widely accepted Muslim customs etc. It was then that I understood the term equality with its true meaning and context and pledged my allegiance to it.
People tend to have pre-conceived notions about the ills in women but trust me when seen in a positive light they vanish in thin air. The first example that comes to fore is their talkativeness. People fail to acknowledge the interesting, stress busting and lively patterns even in their garrulous nature that help quash the monotony around. Many argue that women are unable to find friends amongst themselves owing to their jealous and possessive nature. But isn’t it the nature's rule (or a scientific discovery) that opposites attract (and same poles repel).
I have always held the view that women have a distinct way of handling situations good or bad, people virtuous or vicious, matters serious or hilarious, secrets mischievous or treacherous, which we ought to learn from them. I long for this education, and friendship seems to be the best choice. But this is what has made me infamous primarily by occasionally resorting to my flirting ways to spice up the communication between "friends". I thank god for blessing me with such a company of friends particularly female which helped me shape my views and life.
Everyone knows that nothing on this earth is as good as a mother, an epitome of sacrifice, love and care. But it is this obviousness, which somehow holds us back to admire these virtues percolating down to relations all and sundry, a woman has. The subtlety, sensuality, sensitivity and sensibility possessed by women are worth adulation to the minutest of details. They are masters of walking on the thin line between dependence and independence, perfectionist in matters (extremely low) of head but it’s their inclusive nature that lands them in trouble in matters of heart.
The notions I am sharing with you all have evolved with time, because as a child I would have contradicted with what all I have said till now. I will attribute the hater tag, I once possessed, to delusions one tends to hold during childhood. What irked me those days was the word "equality" that was so diplomatically used to favour girls. Similar misdeeds attracted harsher punishments for boys than girls'. For bizarre reasons, girls were renowned and boys deemed notorious equivocally for pursuing equivalent acts. All rules and regulations and regulators as well seemed to be heavily loaded to favour girls. And to add to all that I had always shared a great academic rivalry with girls only. Though I may have fallen for a lot of girls and had a crush on awful lot more, the egotist in me never hailed or appreciated anything more than their physical beauty. What annoyed me more was their inane talks and contempt for geekish fellow like me.
But yes one fine day the tide turned and this paradigm shift tranformed me to a ladies man. I had evolved from the faint secluded world of my childhood, poised to become more informed and exposed to the surroundings and happenings around me. As my age and scope grew I became a connoisseur of art, literature, culture and tradition. I reveled in artistic creations, which hailed and celebrated feminism but was equally aghast by the maltreatment and subjugation of women in history. I was livid knowing that inferiority of women was sanctioned by the well versed Aristotle, the indomitable middle ages church, the purist Hindu traditions, widely accepted Muslim customs etc. It was then that I understood the term equality with its true meaning and context and pledged my allegiance to it.
People tend to have pre-conceived notions about the ills in women but trust me when seen in a positive light they vanish in thin air. The first example that comes to fore is their talkativeness. People fail to acknowledge the interesting, stress busting and lively patterns even in their garrulous nature that help quash the monotony around. Many argue that women are unable to find friends amongst themselves owing to their jealous and possessive nature. But isn’t it the nature's rule (or a scientific discovery) that opposites attract (and same poles repel).
I have always held the view that women have a distinct way of handling situations good or bad, people virtuous or vicious, matters serious or hilarious, secrets mischievous or treacherous, which we ought to learn from them. I long for this education, and friendship seems to be the best choice. But this is what has made me infamous primarily by occasionally resorting to my flirting ways to spice up the communication between "friends". I thank god for blessing me with such a company of friends particularly female which helped me shape my views and life.
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