Obituary

Perched high on heights of vanity,
treats higher levels with profanity,
oblivious to the fact of gravity,
still far from accepting insanity.

Doors to immortality shut on the face,
seems one of those days,
of lost opportunities to show up an ace,
futile aspirations cut down by unflinching chase.

The first love betrays once more,
but still, it remains The love,
Embracing it, is the only solace
from its own hideous perpetual assaults.

A silent storm, a chronic quake,
rocks a self created heaven
weathers to crumbled rubble,
the feigned foundation of the turgid castle.

With plunging self-esteem, broken heart,
wounded thoughts, depleted belief,
trimmed wings, truncated desires,
a grounded mind and a buried body

a crow amongst crows all black,
armed with eagle eyes and a ruthless approach,
like a phoenix emerging from ashes
will live to live another day

the day will come when grapes be sweet
soaring skies be within its reach
having no regrets, nothing to weep
achieving whatever it wishes to seek

Decision

Here come the pros dancing with a bated breath,
Hearing the footsteps of a distant yes,
I feel their positive vibes enchanting me,
waiting for approval to hug me.

Aha! I have been bequeathed the power to decide,
Sagacity thus obtained is a welcome accomplice.
I let the conceited crown adorn me
and the moment to overwhelm me.

Saying Caution!! Pragmatism seizes serenity,
It warns: “a danger is lurking”,
Inkling of a con is disturbing,
The vicious shadow is again troubling.

In the battle of supremacy,
I let go the wisdom acquired.
Leaving pro to decide,
If con is better or should he suicide.

In the Pyrrhic victory
Has the motion died?
Would doing rather thinking be safer?
Letting history, success or failures recite

Has a coward emerged victorious?
Or the jerk prisoned?
Has a meticulous soldier triumphed?
Or the-one-who-just-does-it is ostracized

Am I wise to believe my premonition?
Or am I brave to act and face the consequential action?
Should I have patience and introspect?
Or should I believe my instincts and look in retrospect?

I think, I fail, I am dumb
I think, I succeed, I could have just done it,
I do, I fail, I could have thought over it
I do, I succeed, this is the best I can

Do I decide to take a decision, and then decide how well I decided?
Or do I take a decision, and then decide how well the decision was?

Is life worth the risk...........

This was the topic i chose for the seminar's application which i attended last week. I had loads of fun while discussing arguing varied facets of public policies in different domains with people from diverse educational backgrounds. While applying i had to write on the following topic which i am sharing with you..........

Coffee has caffeine, water has pesticides, and the road can kill you — is life worth the risk?

From womb to tomb we face innocuous situations that threaten our lives. Its really a journey backwards when we count what all is left rather what we lived for. Pleasure of life is cut down by the fear of death. What we need to see is if the “road” is worth traveling.

I being an engineering student would like to prove empirically that life is at least considered to be wonderful if not wonderful. There are 6 billion people on this earth, only 1% (it may be on the higher side) would chose to end their lives consciously. Should I ask why?? Nobody leads an easy life, there are hardships following you every moment, then why is everybody so keen to enhance their chances of living?? What is the need of Medical Science???

Darwin too pointed out that each living being struggles for existence and only the fittest survives, if life is not desirable why should there be any struggle??

Why is everybody so elated on birth of a new-born and express sorrow when one is dead??

What I would like to convey is Life indeed is beautiful. It is the fulcrum of our civilization. What disillusions us from the pleasure of life is obviousness of the fact that we are living. Coffee may have caffeine but it has a distinct taste liked by many, water may have pesticides but it is the elixir of life. I would also like to point out that life without risks is also not worth living as the essence will be lost. The “struggle” is indispensable.

Let’s look from the perspective of a lifeless object – stone. A stone would neither deny nor recognise its existence, nor would it get disturbed to be classified as a pebble or a rock, neither would it hail itself coming from grassland nor rue its lineage from deserts. Neither would it worry if it’s eroded by a river or caressed by a stream.

This “life” has everything to it minus the emotions, relations, views, attitudes, risks inconsequential of action, futile struggle. If living was so miserable why doesn’t one aspire to be a stone?

I’ll summarize by few lines:

Between us and cosmos comes a veil,

In pursuit of desires we trail and fail,

Happiness too we seek, but in vain,

Our last refuge: Life gives us all pain.

I hope one day l’ll find life’s true meaning,

I’ll know what am I aiming,

Till then, does life cease to be entertaining?

Subjugated to man’s constant complaining

I’ ll wait for the day when life -

Breaking its shambles, evolves from dungeons,

Saying yes I am livable, yes I am lovable,

Alas, that will be final of my stumbles.

The Irony of me being Me

"If the desire to write is not accompanied by actual writing then the desire is not to write" - 'Notes to Myself'

All the while I was justifying myself and others why I didn't write, when someone was expecting it so dearly, this statement found me guilty.

Isn't it ironical, the more I run from situations, more frequently they run me down? The closer I inch towards a problem, the encompassing cordon of myth and disbelief delves the problem into anonymity. Life trains you to grin and bear each moment but it's always others who bear me and life grins at me.


I perpetually ponder.............
The person you love the most, gets hurt by you the most. Each one of us is happy in a unique way which seems almost non-existent. More often than not you know what you want to own in life but hardly cling on to what is your own. The lurking torchbearer inside us settles for a tutelary of the past, present and the future"

To maintain high levels of confirmity I hideously committed myself to, I think i have lost my true identity. Shakespeare was right in saying

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players"

I am so engrossed in the reel that i have forgotten the real. I regret my persistence on political correctness, envying people who call a spade a spade. One of my friends candid by nature, labelled as candico by me, knew what i stood for, returned the favour by calling me Ctrl+J (Justify). It seems baffling but i need sanction to act. That is why when people call the shots I am busy collecting the debris.

I feel many a time that I have led an easy life:
-questioning each moment of my existence answering none;
-ruing every movement of an innocuous clock, whose vicious circle sets a new paradigm (each time) strikingly similar to the first, woven in my abomination, changing none.

I am still in midst of a dilemma whether to declare myself (to me) a loser or again subside to such ephemeral introspective realisations. I am like a horse running the race of life, always strolling and digressing to a lush green meadow but realising again that i am a part of a race, have been betted upon n would hate to be accused by people and more importantly by me myself in case i lose. I am quickly losing ground, need help, which i wont ask coz i never run out of hope.

This is a window into an escapist, optimistic, egoist fellow who happens to be me..........

Taking a few steps backwards

This piece was written exactly 2 years before for our college magazine but somehow it couldnt find its place there. Its got its due by coming here. (In these two years things have changed and also my way of looking at things. So, I ll be coming with a sequel soon). Here it goes:-----

Every year you have the same old topic in Campus Rumpus -" My experience in IIT"and every writer is as adamant as a director of a run-of-the-mill stuff film that he's different. I probably belong to the same stock. Coz I have not even a vague idea of what was written before this edition. Perhaps that is why Ignorance is Bliss.

For me this year rode on an F1 car compared to the days when I was preparing for JEE when the time made futile attempts to overtake a snail. IIT, the three letters that looked elusive to me 3-4 years back, suddenly becoming a part of it was a dream(or was it a nightmare) come true. A year in hindsight I can just say that entering IIT has been the best and the worst moment of my life. And ambiguity of the statement is bare minimum as I have never been in a position to change my status from single to committed

Stressing on my memory I have never in my life restricted to just a small patch of land (320 acres might not sound small enough). Though it never seemed seclusion, inclusion or exclusion. Hostel life was one of my unkempt dreams which materialized here (and believe me it is nothing short of a boon).

CG, Profs..... will be too boring a topic to touch upon. I think there are some more frustrated and fascinated being who are worthy of highlighting the grading system, profs attitudes, class schedules etc. Perhaps you will find less of the captivated stuff and thank god for it as you wouldn't have got a true picture if that had been the case.

I don't know from where we have bequeathed the tradition of testing ourselves through exams. And IIT has inherited the legacy with much more conviction in the form of majors and minors. The name might be misleading but I would still like to enlighten you on this issue.MINORS- they leave us major casualties and MAJORS- they provide us with minor chances of survival. The day you understand the real funda behind them you are probably finished up with the semester.

One of the 'indispensable' events of IIT life is poltu- the most enthralling, intriguing, alluring, painful of all times. I have tried to sum up poltu in two lines (which would be sin "just two lines").

When ideologies collide,

friendship suicides,

Years divide,

poltu arrives.

You observe every emotion except romance in Poltu. There is an environment of faith, goodwill, bitterness, deceit, compromise etc..Once you witness the whole drama, tensions, mysteries you are drenched in thoughts so scary that what the real politics would like that takes place just a few kilometers from here. Where figures lie between 0 and1 unity is bound to be found lacking.

One of the good things about IIT was that my premonition of IIT being regime if geeks was stashed the moment I entered it. As the pros and cons go hand in hand it was disheartening to see that a person willing to study is despised, disliked and taunted.

Entering IIT Delhi, was it a correct decision?????

Probably IT WAS

Goodbye

Can a goodbye ever be good? If good riddance is taken out of the equation what essentially remains is a euphemism for bye - goodbye. Anybody who has ever bid adieu to people they care for, people they relate to, know the kind of pain involved. What prompted me to write about all this are the 3 goodbyes I had to undergo in the last three months. First to a person I love, second to a person I admire and third to a person I just simply adore. For the second goodbye, the impact was a lot less coz the reconciliation period is way too small, but the other two had a lasting effect on me.

I vividly remember the days that led to my first goodbye. The turmoil one experiences within oneself is needed to be disguised by a brave smile just to ensure that the other does not break down. You are madly in pursuit of the last glance of that person. You arrange for fitting farewell but end up messing up things. You then desperately look for a high to culminate into the eventuality of saying bye. It’s almost like when it’s feeling good u say bye-thus goodbye. Why the hell the time does not stop. The next three months looked liked three ages.

The third one was even more disastrous. Ur farewell preparations are cut down due to the lack of time (coz this time it is you who’s leaving). You are therefore unable to pursue the last minute ritual as you would have wanted to. And when you are asked, “Anshul…. Tu ja raha hai?” you are rendered speechless by this simple question. You don’t have the courage to say “yes” nor have the power to defy the moment by saying “no”. Then you are made aware of the reality by wet eyes saying, “Tu ja ab……….” It pains, it pains a lot.

Introspective by nature as I am, I tried to search for those lasting effects. While the sufferings of goodbyes are well known, I looked for something positive in them. Yes, the good in goodbye. And believe me I have found them. In the first case the vacuum created by the goodbye was enough for me to realize the difficulty in living without that person. It helped bolster the relationship, stabilized the feelings and cleared many nagging doubts. It was then I understood the true meaning of the song-
“Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa to nahi,
Tere bina bhi lekin zindagi zindagi nahi”
But i am happy she'll be back in a couple of days, really happy.

The positive thing about the third goodbye was that I came to know how close my association was, with that person, (association) which was apparently new with bounds essentially unknown. I was always sure that a very strong bond binds us, maybe I was preoccupied by my own thoughts that I almost missed what was there at the other end (though was always curious about it). Those wet eyes confirmed that we had become BEST of friends, but this elation was accompanied by a solemn dejection at the fact that our next meeting is indefinitely scheduled.

So here is a piece of advice: Realize things soon, otherwise you will have to learn it the harder way. Know the importance of each person in ur life instead of waiting for a goodbye to make you aware of it.

Journey from a misogynist to a feminist

Those who know me would be startled by the first part of the title but would immediately acknowledge the latter.

Everyone knows that nothing on this earth is as good as a mother, an epitome of sacrifice, love and care. But it is this obviousness, which somehow holds us back to admire these virtues percolating down to relations all and sundry, a woman has. The subtlety, sensuality, sensitivity and sensibility possessed by women are worth adulation to the minutest of details. They are masters of walking on the thin line between dependence and independence, perfectionist in matters (extremely low) of head but it’s their inclusive nature that lands them in trouble in matters of heart.

The notions I am sharing with you all have evolved with time, because as a child I would have contradicted with what all I have said till now. I will attribute the hater tag, I once possessed, to delusions one tends to hold during childhood. What irked me those days was the word "equality" that was so diplomatically used to favour girls. Similar misdeeds attracted harsher punishments for boys than girls'. For bizarre reasons, girls were renowned and boys deemed notorious equivocally for pursuing equivalent acts. All rules and regulations and regulators as well seemed to be heavily loaded to favour girls. And to add to all that I had always shared a great academic rivalry with girls only. Though I may have fallen for a lot of girls and had a crush on awful lot more, the egotist in me never hailed or appreciated anything more than their physical beauty. What annoyed me more was their inane talks and contempt for geekish fellow like me.

But yes one fine day the tide turned and this paradigm shift tranformed me to a ladies man. I had evolved from the faint secluded world of my childhood, poised to become more informed and exposed to the surroundings and happenings around me. As my age and scope grew I became a connoisseur of art, literature, culture and tradition. I reveled in artistic creations, which hailed and celebrated feminism but was equally aghast by the maltreatment and subjugation of women in history. I was livid knowing that inferiority of women was sanctioned by the well versed Aristotle, the indomitable middle ages church, the purist Hindu traditions, widely accepted Muslim customs etc. It was then that I understood the term equality with its true meaning and context and pledged my allegiance to it.

People tend to have pre-conceived notions about the ills in women but trust me when seen in a positive light they vanish in thin air. The first example that comes to fore is their talkativeness. People fail to acknowledge the interesting, stress busting and lively patterns even in their garrulous nature that help quash the monotony around. Many argue that women are unable to find friends amongst themselves owing to their jealous and possessive nature. But isn’t it the nature's rule (or a scientific discovery) that opposites attract (and same poles repel).

I have always held the view that women have a distinct way of handling situations good or bad, people virtuous or vicious, matters serious or hilarious, secrets mischievous or treacherous, which we ought to learn from them. I long for this education, and friendship seems to be the best choice. But this is what has made me infamous primarily by occasionally resorting to my flirting ways to spice up the communication between "friends". I thank god for blessing me with such a company of friends particularly female which helped me shape my views and life.

Its All about "I"

It is well known that an idle mind is a devil's workshop. But this idle mind chose to describe the devil's workshop........................

Has anyone ever wondered why,

To nothing today we can hold our heads high,

Seas of change have long left dry,

Is renaissance even worth a try.

In this commotion what gets heard is a feeble cry,

Nobody bothers who comes and who all say bye,

A cold world where none is shy,

Indolence rules as time passes by.

Nothing so omnipresent as a lie,

All eyes set on a larger pie,

Motive being an eye for an eye,

Chasing things they could call "my",

With souls already dead, is there anything left to die,

Still we take pride in saying I am "I"

Internship supposedly

One year absence means there is a lot in the pipeline. Heres one of them. Apparently i am on summer internship in GE in Bangalore. So here goes an ode to GE.....

On 12th of May got started an Odyssey,

when a stranger landed in JFWTC,

thought being a part of legacy wouldn't be easy,

learnt quickly such thoughts were too flimsy.

Coming here was no less a serendipity,

was elated getting a call from Meena Reddy,

By default had become a part of lab EPT,

Kannan was to be the guide and Amol buddy.

Had it been all the same, would have been boring,

couldn't have done much except yawning,

changing cubicle was indeed a blessing,

that was the time creativity started pouring.

My esteemed neighbours R2, amisha, maitreyee and Pranali

Rajpal yadav graces with his presence timely,

Can anything else(including uncle) be so lively,

save us, nobody knows how to spend time wisely.

As often with my work i am not able to relate,

in working as well as describing i tend to procrastinate,

The turmoil Edison and Thompson tend to create,

Guha, Pirsig and Rand courtesy WKC help sedate.

Aren't we sinning, when twins we differentiate,

In expecting clarity in matters intricate,

managers get on our heads, how do we placate,

can only feel nostalgic and curse our fate.

Amidst all this, shouldn't someone help our tensions alleviate,

but to get bogged down is not our trait,

Our each day here we wish to celebrate,

with fun-riddled activities happiness we look to accumulate.

Our best times remain indebted to coffee,

trying to spend each moment with giggles and glee,

the most happening cluster now are we,

To cap it all, three cheers to GE.

P.S.- A piece of trivia to help u understand the poem better
JFWTC: John F. Welch Technology Centre, GE Research Centre in Bangalore
WKC: Whitney Knowledge Centre, library in GE
EPT: Electric Power Technologies
Edison and Thompson were founding fathers of GE
Ramprasad Guha, Robert Pirsig and Ayn Rand whose creations i really admire

Going Haywire

Yes i m back after a year...... It feels great to be back here. Meanwhile i have developed a penchant for writing poems. The following poem was written by a dejected me after my majors. I know it is not much in sync with the "Pursuit of Happiness" written last year but still i would love to share. Its dedicated to all those people who are young, energetic and blah blah but more importantly ppl on crossroads deciding where they wanna head to after school, college.......

Going Haywire

A treachery of time,

That somebody lost shine,

Is the blame entirely mine?

Yes, coz I m the only one who whine.

It isn't that I have lost my way,

Don't exactly know what goals are in fray,

'a lot of options' when people say,

There is no connect with what all is in play.

I can't boast of erudition,

Same is true for the vast population,

Still it is only me, who feels seclusion,

Why? Coz I chose to stay out of illusion?

My aspirations, my approach, my way of life is all confused,

To nothing in this world have I been seduced,

Its pity that to an unknown feeble corner have I been reduced,

Lethargy, procrastination to I have been introduced.

The "caring lot" around me shows no malice,

Instead r nice, but does that make me wise?

I don't know who rolled the dice (perhaps I)

Expectations their or mine I am never able to suffice.

Read somewhere "whom should one despise

– Men without purpose (like me) who ape mice"

They say success comes with a price,

I have a life to spend, tell me where to break the ice.

Don't know when things will fall in line,

Just hope everything's gonna be fine,

With success yes I want to dine,

What is it? I still have no sign.