The Irony of me being Me

"If the desire to write is not accompanied by actual writing then the desire is not to write" - 'Notes to Myself'

All the while I was justifying myself and others why I didn't write, when someone was expecting it so dearly, this statement found me guilty.

Isn't it ironical, the more I run from situations, more frequently they run me down? The closer I inch towards a problem, the encompassing cordon of myth and disbelief delves the problem into anonymity. Life trains you to grin and bear each moment but it's always others who bear me and life grins at me.


I perpetually ponder.............
The person you love the most, gets hurt by you the most. Each one of us is happy in a unique way which seems almost non-existent. More often than not you know what you want to own in life but hardly cling on to what is your own. The lurking torchbearer inside us settles for a tutelary of the past, present and the future"

To maintain high levels of confirmity I hideously committed myself to, I think i have lost my true identity. Shakespeare was right in saying

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players"

I am so engrossed in the reel that i have forgotten the real. I regret my persistence on political correctness, envying people who call a spade a spade. One of my friends candid by nature, labelled as candico by me, knew what i stood for, returned the favour by calling me Ctrl+J (Justify). It seems baffling but i need sanction to act. That is why when people call the shots I am busy collecting the debris.

I feel many a time that I have led an easy life:
-questioning each moment of my existence answering none;
-ruing every movement of an innocuous clock, whose vicious circle sets a new paradigm (each time) strikingly similar to the first, woven in my abomination, changing none.

I am still in midst of a dilemma whether to declare myself (to me) a loser or again subside to such ephemeral introspective realisations. I am like a horse running the race of life, always strolling and digressing to a lush green meadow but realising again that i am a part of a race, have been betted upon n would hate to be accused by people and more importantly by me myself in case i lose. I am quickly losing ground, need help, which i wont ask coz i never run out of hope.

This is a window into an escapist, optimistic, egoist fellow who happens to be me..........